Lets side track from the story for a second and reflect for a moment.
I have described this blog as gaining faith. I am talking about searching for faith, seeking it out, and truly desiring it.
But looking back over the story so far, go ahead, have a look. I realise that all this time, instead of me seeking out faith or seeking out God. God amazingly enough was pursuing me.
Even more amazingly is that I know for a fact that my story is not unique. So many people I know and have known have shared a very similar story to mine. Which makes me think. Maybe, just maybe, God is pursuing everyone of us.
Maybe you can even think back over your life right now and see fingerprints of God on your own life, some signs that He has been pursuing you as well.
Do you have a story about God pursuing you?
Monday, August 10, 2009
suspense.
Are you in suspense?
No doubt you know which path I decided to take?
It isn't too hard to guess. If there is one thing I can say about God's love is that it truly never gives up. God didn't give up on me, He kept pursuing me, kept opening doors for me.
The next door He opened was a door to a new School. I took the giant leap from Primary School to Highschool and landed right smack in the middle of a Christian environment.
Not only was it a Christian environment but the first friend I made was also decidedly a Christian. Her name was Amie and became best of friends instantly. You know them, those two annoying girls in Highschool who spend every spare second together during the day at school and the rest of the night on the phone coordinating their outfits and talking about boys? That was Amie and I for a good couple years.
Amie and I were a bit unique though. We loved each other but we had both had a real academic and competive streak. We even counted the number of pages we read in books as a competition. By the end of the year I had read an impressive 36, 000 pages, but Amie on the other hand had read an impressive 100, 000. Call us crazy, but we liked to read a lot of books.
But to get back to the story. I realised almost instantly just what God was doing. In changing schools, God took away all the distractions and all the peer pressure that led me down the paths that took me away from Him. Instead I found myself in an environment where I was ready to fully embrace God.
You know something, perfect Love is completely irresistable. When it finds you theres not much you can do but simply say yes God. There is nothing else that you want to do.
No doubt you know which path I decided to take?
It isn't too hard to guess. If there is one thing I can say about God's love is that it truly never gives up. God didn't give up on me, He kept pursuing me, kept opening doors for me.
The next door He opened was a door to a new School. I took the giant leap from Primary School to Highschool and landed right smack in the middle of a Christian environment.
Not only was it a Christian environment but the first friend I made was also decidedly a Christian. Her name was Amie and became best of friends instantly. You know them, those two annoying girls in Highschool who spend every spare second together during the day at school and the rest of the night on the phone coordinating their outfits and talking about boys? That was Amie and I for a good couple years.
Amie and I were a bit unique though. We loved each other but we had both had a real academic and competive streak. We even counted the number of pages we read in books as a competition. By the end of the year I had read an impressive 36, 000 pages, but Amie on the other hand had read an impressive 100, 000. Call us crazy, but we liked to read a lot of books.
But to get back to the story. I realised almost instantly just what God was doing. In changing schools, God took away all the distractions and all the peer pressure that led me down the paths that took me away from Him. Instead I found myself in an environment where I was ready to fully embrace God.
You know something, perfect Love is completely irresistable. When it finds you theres not much you can do but simply say yes God. There is nothing else that you want to do.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The dilemma.
God didn't 'get me' just like that. I was a difficult little bugger for want of a better word.
No I persisted in my rebellion. I would swear and tell everyone I didn't believe in God, making fun of Christians even when my heart was screaming that God was real. All week I would read my trashy teenage magazines and fall asleep after lusting after gorgeous celebrities.
But then I would go back to church. Ouch. It would pierce me. Make me uncomfortable. Challenge me to choose. God? or my life run the way I wanted?
I remember the dilemma so clearly. I was teetering on the edge. I wanted to follow God but in all of my actions I turned against Him? Why? It was so hard to understand or explain. It is non sensical.
It should be simpler. You find perfect love and then you stick with it! Yes? That would have been a good idea. But I often and I have to admit even to this day I find myself opting for bad choices, I go the way I don't want to go. I want to do one thing in my heart but I choose to do something else. It makes you're head spin doesn't it?
But you're just like me I bet, most people aren't so different I guess, in my opinion.
I can imagine heaven standing still at that point as I wavered between choosing God or choosing to walk in my own ways. I can imagine the angels whispering to one another saying : God Himself, the Creator of the universe and everything that exists has condescended to reveal Himself to little Louisa. Will she accept Him? will she say yes and choose Him???
It is a big decision for a little person isn't it?
No I persisted in my rebellion. I would swear and tell everyone I didn't believe in God, making fun of Christians even when my heart was screaming that God was real. All week I would read my trashy teenage magazines and fall asleep after lusting after gorgeous celebrities.
But then I would go back to church. Ouch. It would pierce me. Make me uncomfortable. Challenge me to choose. God? or my life run the way I wanted?
I remember the dilemma so clearly. I was teetering on the edge. I wanted to follow God but in all of my actions I turned against Him? Why? It was so hard to understand or explain. It is non sensical.
It should be simpler. You find perfect love and then you stick with it! Yes? That would have been a good idea. But I often and I have to admit even to this day I find myself opting for bad choices, I go the way I don't want to go. I want to do one thing in my heart but I choose to do something else. It makes you're head spin doesn't it?
But you're just like me I bet, most people aren't so different I guess, in my opinion.
I can imagine heaven standing still at that point as I wavered between choosing God or choosing to walk in my own ways. I can imagine the angels whispering to one another saying : God Himself, the Creator of the universe and everything that exists has condescended to reveal Himself to little Louisa. Will she accept Him? will she say yes and choose Him???
It is a big decision for a little person isn't it?
Gaining Faith.
Everyone has faith of some kind; a faith in something. What is your faith? Mother Earth? Allah? Buddha?
Still others are searching for faith. To simply believe in something. They are marked by a nagging restlessness and they recognise that there is a depth in their heart that simply has not been satisfied by any earthly thing.
If that is you then this may be of interest.
If you are seeking faith, this restlessness, the seeking and questioning in your heart is the perfect place to start. These feelings prove that your heart is ready and open for the next part of the journey.
I found faith of my own many years ago. It all started back in a church when I was about eleven.
I had grown up independent and proud of myself, my life, my accomplishments and I just happened to be generally happy. And why not be? In all honesty, I didn't believe I had a need for God.
But in any case I had been dragged to Church by my family and I was stuck there for better or worse to come face to face with this God who I didn't exactly believe in anyway.
It was a very different Church to those I had been in previously. They had a band and drums and singers and were actually singing cool songs instead of the outdated, out of tune hymns I had only ever heard sung in Church before. But it wasn't the music that impressed itself so deeply on me as much as this strange sensation I felt when the music was played. There is no other word for it: it was otherwordly. It was connection to something strange and bigger than myself. It was most definitely something I had never felt before. It startled and unnerved me.
I literally had no choice but to come back to Church. You don't really get to choose too much when you are eleven do you? So I kept coming back, week after week. And each week I would find myself being swept up in this music. I started to understand the feeling I was caught up in: it was Love. A pure unadulterated Love and it was from Heaven.
One of the first things I started becoming aware of was that my heart was really hard. I was proud, I wanted to live my own life without God interfering. I didn't want God to interrupt the wrongs things that I did. I liked my life the way it was. When I think about it, it is a bit cool that I could even realise this at eleven. That had to be a gift of God.
But somehow this love that I felt proved irresitable and every week I could feel my heart softening more and more as I gave myself over to this God who seemed to be asking for me. This was the point in my life when I really began to see for myself that God was real. Insanely amazingly, deliciously real. WOW.
But this was just the beginning of my journey....
Still others are searching for faith. To simply believe in something. They are marked by a nagging restlessness and they recognise that there is a depth in their heart that simply has not been satisfied by any earthly thing.
If that is you then this may be of interest.
If you are seeking faith, this restlessness, the seeking and questioning in your heart is the perfect place to start. These feelings prove that your heart is ready and open for the next part of the journey.
I found faith of my own many years ago. It all started back in a church when I was about eleven.
I had grown up independent and proud of myself, my life, my accomplishments and I just happened to be generally happy. And why not be? In all honesty, I didn't believe I had a need for God.
But in any case I had been dragged to Church by my family and I was stuck there for better or worse to come face to face with this God who I didn't exactly believe in anyway.
It was a very different Church to those I had been in previously. They had a band and drums and singers and were actually singing cool songs instead of the outdated, out of tune hymns I had only ever heard sung in Church before. But it wasn't the music that impressed itself so deeply on me as much as this strange sensation I felt when the music was played. There is no other word for it: it was otherwordly. It was connection to something strange and bigger than myself. It was most definitely something I had never felt before. It startled and unnerved me.
I literally had no choice but to come back to Church. You don't really get to choose too much when you are eleven do you? So I kept coming back, week after week. And each week I would find myself being swept up in this music. I started to understand the feeling I was caught up in: it was Love. A pure unadulterated Love and it was from Heaven.
One of the first things I started becoming aware of was that my heart was really hard. I was proud, I wanted to live my own life without God interfering. I didn't want God to interrupt the wrongs things that I did. I liked my life the way it was. When I think about it, it is a bit cool that I could even realise this at eleven. That had to be a gift of God.
But somehow this love that I felt proved irresitable and every week I could feel my heart softening more and more as I gave myself over to this God who seemed to be asking for me. This was the point in my life when I really began to see for myself that God was real. Insanely amazingly, deliciously real. WOW.
But this was just the beginning of my journey....
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