The dilemma.

God didn't 'get me' just like that. I was a difficult little bugger for want of a better word.

No I persisted in my rebellion. I would swear and tell everyone I didn't believe in God, making fun of Christians even when my heart was screaming that God was real. All week I would read my trashy teenage magazines and fall asleep after lusting after gorgeous celebrities.

But then I would go back to church. Ouch. It would pierce me. Make me uncomfortable. Challenge me to choose. God? or my life run the way I wanted?

I remember the dilemma so clearly. I was teetering on the edge. I wanted to follow God but in all of my actions I turned against Him? Why? It was so hard to understand or explain. It is non sensical.

It should be simpler. You find perfect love and then you stick with it! Yes? That would have been a good idea. But I often and I have to admit even to this day I find myself opting for bad choices, I go the way I don't want to go. I want to do one thing in my heart but I choose to do something else. It makes you're head spin doesn't it?

But you're just like me I bet, most people aren't so different I guess, in my opinion.

I can imagine heaven standing still at that point as I wavered between choosing God or choosing to walk in my own ways. I can imagine the angels whispering to one another saying : God Himself, the Creator of the universe and everything that exists has condescended to reveal Himself to little Louisa. Will she accept Him? will she say yes and choose Him???

It is a big decision for a little person isn't it?